Our society has an ordinary setting for a relationship: monogamy. As we grow and are made more aware of different ways of living through the use of the internet and a more accepting attitude, we are slowly being introduced to polyamory.
For those of you who don’t know the difference between polyamory and monogamy, here are the Cambridge dictionary definitions:
Monogamy is the fact or custom of having a sexual relationship or marriage with only one other person at a time. Polyamory is the practice of having sexual or romantic relationships with two or more people at the same time.
It is undeniable that having developed over hundreds of years, the western society which we are constantly engulfed by reinforces this idea that a person is expected to love and be intimate with only one person, with the internet has been driving force in the change in this attitude. We have seen some of the biggest social change in history over the last 5 years. The world is intensely connected now through social media and the internet, it is possible to watch exactly what is going on in any part of the world at any time. Through this deepened connection we have utilised the ability to share correct behaviour and achieve more social justice. The BLM movement would not have been so detrimental to everybody across the world if not for the horrific video of George Floyd, it made this issue we were already aware of so real.
The media, entertainment, books and upbringing has reinforced this idea that we must be with one person only. Of course everybody has different life experiences and this will impact the way in which we develop relationships with others however the majority of those within the UK and America are taught that we must be committed to one singular person. Infidelity and cheating is massively frowned upon and often labels polyamory as a lack of commitment. This rise of the internet and a more “woke” generation has helped spread awareness of polyamory.
One of the many reasons behind an expectation to be with just one person is the most influential religion in western culture, Christianity. The story of Adam and Eve along with many other parts of the bible enforce an idea that we are required to be only intimate with one person and once we have found this person we are with them for life. Christianity is responsible for the development of a huge number of social norms, an example of this is the teaching “man must not lie with man”, regardless of potential misinterpretation this helped fuel the original expectation of heterosexual life. This mimics the teaching of monogamy.
A majority of TV programs, films, books and celebrity relationships demonstrate monogamy. Most of your family members will be in monogamous relationships and despite a change in attitude this still drives your expectation of how you must interact with your sexual or romantic partner.
Of course, polyamory may not be for everyone, some people simply are content and secure with a singular partner with no need to explore alternative experiences. This is why monogamy is such a widely accepted practice as people can feel comfortable however the world is changing and we are learning more and more that we can be whoever we want to be.
The world doesn’t need to teach us who and what we are before we figure it out for ourselves.
